


This Memory

by fadedlullabyes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Author took a lot of liberties, Bottom Dean, Canon Divergence, Dean has phd's, Dean is a researcher, Dean is taken in by Bobby, Dean's first hunt is at eleven, Disability, I don't know what else to use, Incest, John does something bad, Leg amputation, M/M, Sam Angst, Sam believes Dean is dead, Top Sam, Wincest - Freeform, body injury, prosthetic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1398286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadedlullabyes/pseuds/fadedlullabyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John takes Dean on his first hunt at eleven. What he thought would be a simple salt and burn turns into something worse when he realizes he's up against a poltergeist. John gets Dean to the nearest when he realizes that his oldest will never be able to hunt. He makes a decision that will upset his world but he knows it's for the best. </p><p>Fifteen years later, he goes missing and Bobby calls Sam to help search for his missing father. When Dean and Sam are reunited there are some questions that need to be answered as their relationship starts to bloom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Doesn't Kill Me

The smell of a hospital was the same no matter where he was in the United States. The same stench of too much cleaning product mixing in the scent of the sickly was the same. It bothered John Winchester’s nose but he wouldn’t complain, not while his oldest son was laying in a hospital bed with a missing leg. John hadn’t left Dean’s side since he came of surgery, preferring to watch the rise and fall of Dean’s chest to reassure himself that his son wasn’t dead. It odd seeing the young boy staying so still and of course a flat spot where his left leg should have been.

 

John was thankful he had taken Sam to Pastor Jim when he decided to take Dean on this job. It was supposed to have been a simple salt and burn, just a spirit that wasn’t too dangerous. John had done his research and decided that Dean was old enough to come on this hunt with him. And just like the Winchester luck, it hadn’t turned out so simple. What John had thought was a simple spirit that needed to be put to rest was actually a poltergeist.

 

His lack of research and double checking everything had cost Dean his leg. At eleven, Dean shouldn’t have lost a limb, he was too young. John hadn’t known what to do except rush his son to the nearest hospital and come up with a story as to why his son’s leg was mangled the way it had been. Dean hadn’t so much whimpered at the pain and that had worried John the most. He couldn’t tell if the boy had been in shock or if he was trying to hang onto his sanity.

 

The E.R. personnel had taken Dean from John and disappeared behind the doors. He couldn’t even remember what bullshit story he’d given the nurse on duty as he kept his eyes glued to the doors. He gave her his insurance information, which was of course, fake. John couldn’t keep his concentration as he paced around the waiting area. His patience wasn’t the best in the world and it took everything John had not to barge through the door and demand the answers he wanted.

 

Hours went by slowly for John; ticking away as he continued to walk the floor. He refused the coffee and food some of the nurses tried to give him but he just couldn’t take them. His stomach was rioting against him at the very thought of food and what he had done to his son. John was supposed to be a protector and he hadn’t even done that when the poltergeist went after Dean, knowing that he was the weaker human. John had forgotten all about the hunt when he saw his son tumble down the stairs and Dean’s leg being shredded by an invisible force.

 

He dwelled on the ‘what ifs’ and what he should have done differently and how if he had done his homework correctly, Dean would still be alive and probably laughing. John would have handled things on his own if he had known what they were truly up against but sometimes, these things were smarter than they let on. John knew that from his first year of hunting and a simple ghost had gotten the better of him. Hell, even now, he was learning.

 

When dawn finally broke, a doctor emerged from the doors and asked for John. There was blood smeared on the scrubs he was wearing and his expression was grim. John thought the worst and almost retched. He couldn’t think of Dean being dead, it would break him more if his baby boy was dead.

 

John barely heard the doctor’s words as he started to describe what they had to do to keep Dean stable. The leg had been a loss but at least his son was still alive. John hadn’t taken the news well but kept it well hidden. Dean wouldn’t be able to hunt with a prosthesis; assuming his stubborn son would even get one. There was always the chance that Dean would refuse it and that didn’t sit too well with John. They couldn’t afford to be settled down in one place either while Dean healed. It was a grim subject and one John didn’t even want to think about, but he had to make plans.

 

There were many possibilities running through John’s head as the doctor led him through the hallway and to Dean’s room. Just seeing Dean pale and laying in the bed was enough to keep John’s resolve and decide what to do. He couldn’t stop hunting, not when the thing that had killed Mary was still out there. The need for revenge had consumed John and there was nothing that would ever take him from this path.

 

It was sad to think that he would willingly abandon his son just so he wouldn’t be stuck in one place for too long. John knew Dean’s rehabilitation would take months to over a year. He didn’t like the idea of staying in one place that long and how vulnerable it would leave him with his two sons. John was gone a lot and didn’t know Sam all that well and it scared him to be around his youngest that long. Dean was much better at handling Sammy and taking care of him, John saw the bond his two sons had and knew nothing would ever compare to it.

 

Taking to the road without Dean would kill him and John couldn’t justify leaving the kid with strangers. He couldn’t do that to his own son, not when his own father had walked out on him and the crushing feeling of realizing that his father was never coming back had nearly killed John as a child. It would be so much worse for Dean because he had a little brother he would worry about and Dean was a very resourceful child.

 

John wouldn’t doubt he would find some way back to his brother. Dean had been drilled since he was four not to let anything happen to Sammy and he took that job very seriously. John was proud of Dean for stepping up to the plate and protecting Sam the way he had. But now, things would be different and Dean wouldn’t be able to do anything. The thought would break Dean once he woke up and realized what had happened.

 

He couldn’t take that chance and knew what had to be done. Even though it tore at John, he needed Dean to be safe and with someone he trusted. He knew just the person who would treat Dean as though he were his own and wouldn’t think twice about abandoning him. Dean looked up to Bobby Singer like he was the cool uncle Dean never had before. He would be in great hands plus he would still be protected from anything that would harm him.

 

The only problem John was facing now, was how to get Dean there without making a scene. He knew Dean would try and leave Bobby’s, it was ingrained into him to take care of Sam and it was all Dean had ever known. John wouldn’t be able to leave Dean with Bobby with his memories of John and Sammy still intact, it would be cruel and Dean would never forgive John.

 

There was only one solution that came to John’s mind and he knew Bobby wouldn’t like it but it was the only answer he had. There was a witch nearby and John had done her a solid a few years back. She owed him a favor that John had never intended to take her up on. But looking at his son in the bed, he knew it was the only solution. Dean wouldn’t wake up for another few hours and John could bring her here if the spell he needed was a simple one to cast. This would kill Sam, but John would have to tell him his big brother was dead.

 

With a grunt, he stood from his chair and gave one last glance at Dean. This was for the best and he knew that Dean would more than likely have a better life with Bobby. His heart was heavy as he thought about what he was going to tell Sam, it could either blow up in his face or Sam would grow up to be a strong hunter and finish the job if John ever passed away.

 

Hopefully Dean wouldn’t wake up, John didn’t want to explain his plan to his son. He knew it would break the kid’s heart and Dean would attempt to run even though he couldn’t. John knew the boy well and he had been taught to fight with everything he had and his father would be no exception. Dean would find a way to make himself useful.

 

The pay phone was located outside of the waiting area and John wasted no time putting some coins in and dialling Bobby. He knew the other man would give him grief over his plan, but Bobby loved Dean and would do this to keep him out of the system. Bobby would give him grief but he would give in, John was positive of that.

 

“Hello?” Bobby’s gruff voice was almost music to John’s ear. “The hell did you get yourself into this time, Winchester?”

 

“Bobby, it wasn’t an ordinary ghost.” John started, eyes darting around to see if anyone was eavesdropping. “It was a damn poltergeist and it got Dean. My son lost his leg, Bobby.”

 

“Shit! The kid okay other than that?” Bobby asked, the worry was evident in his tone as John heard him shuffling around.

 

“He’s still out of it. Bobby, I can’t hunt with Dean like this. I need to ask you a huge favor. You’re not going to like it, but it’s the best option I have right now. I can’t go around when Dean’s in rehab. I don’t want to settle for however long it will take for him to heal. I need you to take him and raise him, Bobby. I’m going to a witch I know and trust to have her wipe Dean’s memory.”

 

“The hell! You can’t do that, John! Dean’s your son and you need to be there! I ain’t his daddy, you are. You can afford to find a good town and help that boy! You have a responsibility to those boys and you can’t just dump Dean like he’s dead weight! Damnit, John, do you know what this will do to Sam?” Bobby’s voice had now taken on the familiar angry tone John was used to dealing with. This wasn’t the first time they got into a fight and it wouldn’t be the last.

 

“Bobby, that thing killed my wife and I will end it. With Dean down I’ll be losing time and I can’t have that. I don’t want to put him in a foster home and lose him in the system. I don’t want strangers taking care of him. You’ll keep him safe, Bobby. Please, do this for me.” John wasn’t a man who begged and this was probably the closest he would ever get. He knew Bobby was thinking about it from the long stretch of silence over the phone. John knew he would accept because Bobby had a soft spot for Dean and would more than likely do anything to keep the boy out of the system. John didn’t like dropping his son off on someone else, but it needed to be done so he could soldier on.

 

“I’ll do it, John. But I will have rules and you will follow them. One wrong move and I will tell Dean the truth and you will have to explain yourself. And you have that witch give you a counter spell. I want that option, John, or I will hogtie you and have you raise that boy right.” There was no room for argument in Bobby’s voice.

 

John had no choice to agree. If that was what it took for Bobby to take Dean, then he would take it. He made the necessary arrangements and Bobby said he would contact a man he knew and have a fake identity made up for Dean. They made plans for Bobby to show up and pick up Dean. It would be hell explaining shit to the nurses but this was the only plan he had and he needed to get back to Sammy. They would understand once he told them he had a younger son who needed him.

 

He made his way back into the hospital after making his second necessary phone call and set up a meeting for that night. It was probably a good thing Dean was asleep so he wouldn’t know anything about his life changing. John wanted the chance to say goodbye but he couldn’t risk that. He was nothing but methodical when it came for him to disappear and tonight would be no different.

 

With his shoulders straight, John went back into Dean’s and sat by his bedside. He spoke to his unconscious son and told him how much he loved him and how he would miss him. John would never get this chance again and it broke something inside him and he knew, just knew Mary would be disappointed in what he was doing.

 

~ 15 Years Later ~

 

The sun was unforgiving today, beating down on the earth like it was trying to rule it. Dean Campbell wiped his brow as he looked over the classic car he had just finished restoring. This was his hobby and it was something he could do without Bobby hovering over him like a mother hen. He honestly didn’t know the man could have been so annoying but from what he gathered, Bobby was just trying to look out for him.

 

Dean was twenty-six and held two PhD’s which he would never use in a classroom. Sure, he made money by writing books and becoming an expert but his true passion was hunting. Dean couldn’t be in the field because of the leg he’d lost as a child, but he could damn well protect those who were out there attempting to make the world a better place.

 

It was hard sitting back and play pretend when someone called to confirm they had an FBI agent on their hands. Dean wasn’t one to sit around all day and needed small breaks. Bobby was aware of this and had taught him how to be a mechanic after he had gone through the hell that was rehab. It had taken Dean a year and a half to come to terms with losing his leg and it was always a touchy with Bobby that he didn’t really talk about. After the last time he’d been told to drop it, Dean had. He didn’t want Bobby pissed at him and so Dean had dropped the subject of his accident. After that, things had went back to normal.

 

He didn’t know what had Bobby in a snit today so Dean had steered clear of him. It wasn’t normal for the old man to be like this but Dean knew enough that Bobby would probably tear him a new asshole if he weren’t careful. So he had made himself scarce and decided to tune up the ‘67 Impala that Bobby’s friend had given to him; saying that it was too conspicuous and Bobby would take good care of it.

 

Dean hadn’t been surprised when Bobby had given him the car when he’d turned sixteen. Dean had trouble driving sometime with his prosthetic but once he had the hang of it, he couldn’t stay off the road at all. Dean liked driving and felt it gave him a familiar sense of comfort, especially since it was the Impala he was driving. It felt something like home and Bobby’s house had never felt that way.

 

Cruising the back roads of Sioux Falls had helped with a lot of teenage angst and gotten Dean through some pretty tough times. School hadn’t exactly been a ball but Dean had taken all that rage and just poured it into his studies. He wanted to be useful and the drive had been a fire burning in him ever since. He would help those in the field find a way to stop the monsters that threatened humanity.

 

It hadn’t been easy, but Dean had managed to graduate with honors and gotten several scholarships to attend several different universities. It had been a hard choice but Dean had chosen a university in the northern part of South Dakota and never looked back.

 

He was as studious in college as he was in high school and had wowed his professors. The advantage of living with Bobby was the access Dean had to the books the man had lying about. Some were one of a kind and had valuable information. It had taken quite a lot of sweet talking to get Bobby to loan him the books. And of course, there was the first hand experience Dean had with hunters who were willing to speak about their encounters with demons.

 

The resources Dean had were boundless and had him making several breakthroughs in his papers. His professors had been proud of his dedication and Dean had won several awards. His books were bestsellers and of course were sold under a pen name. He didn’t want anyone in the hunting world to connect him to that. It was better he stay safe.

 

Dean wiped his hands on his jeans and noticed his stump was beginning to ache. He still got phantom pains every once in a while and fifteen years wasn’t enough time to get rid of them. He took the pain with a grain of salt and decided he could soak what was left of his leg. The baths did him a world of good but Dean would never admit that. He would rather hold onto his masculinity a bit longer.

 

He patted Baby on the hood and left to go inside. Bobby was more than likely cooking something with the smell that wafted outside. Dean would have enough time to bath before dinner and doing a bit of research for a hunter who was stuck on a case in northern Iowa. Dean wasn’t sure what the guy was dealing with, but it was getting nasty and they were running out of time. He had an idea of what they were dealing with but Dean needed to consult a few books before he before he sent Garth running in without the proper weapons. Dean wouldn’t get anyone ganked on his watch.

 

“Hey, Bobby! Gonna take a soak for the leg.” Dean said as he passed the kitchen and paused for a moment. Bobby’s shoulders were tense which meant he was in a particularly bad mood or something was going on that was out of his control. Dean wondered if he was having a tiff with Jodi Mills again.

 

“That’s fine. Dinner’ll be ready in twenty,” came Bobby’s gruff response.

 

Dean didn’t say another word as he headed upstairs and grabbed his stuff from his room. Bath salt did wonders for the ache when it got like this. There was probably a storm rolling in and his body was warning him. Dean liked the pre-emptive warnings and they were usually never wrong. He would enjoy a rainstorm, especially if it were a bad one.

 

The fury of nature was pure and Dean liked to watch it. Sometimes he would sit on Bobby’s front porch and watch the storms roll by with a beer in his hands. Dean would just stay there for hours and watch the lightning strike the ground as the thunder boomed overhead. He had something to look forward to now, that was a plus in Dean’s book.

 

He started the fill the tub up and sat down on the toilet after he undressed. Dean stared down at his leg and studied the scars that snaked out of the prosthesis. They were thick and ran deep into his skin. They were ugly, he knew. But Dean never resented them because they made him who he was today. If he hadn’t lost his leg, he wouldn’t have had the drive to prove himself useful in the hunting world.

 

The story Bobby had told him as a child was bullshit, Dean knew it the moment it had left his mouth but he went with it. Dean knew better than to push and had left it alone. He pulled the leg off like he had a thousand times before and stared at the end of his leg. It was just a mass of scars, nothing to really look at. Dean was desensitized by his leg but the past lover he had were put off by it and normally left the next morning.

 

It didn’t really hurt Dean, not in the long run. He was used to people running out on him and the affairs and sex just sort of fell into the background. They were really needed since he was content to just research and be useful. He knew the life of a hunter was a lonely one when he decided to pursue after graduation. Bobby had told him he was a damned fool but welcomed him into the fold nonetheless.

 

Dean liked the idea of there being someone in the community who gathered information. It needed to be done and be easily accessible because sometimes, the internet wasn’t enough and some of the website were sketchy at best. Dean wanted a hard copy of how to kill everything that was out in the dark. He wanted efficiency and knowledge for hunters to use. He felt he could help more people this way and one day, Dean would have a Bat Cave of his own to store his information. Someone had to compile the information and he was surprised no one had done until now. It was something he had discussed with Bobby at length and the older man had agreed. It needed to be done because sometimes, information was just faked.

 

It was a project that would take Dean years to complete but he had quite the collection going. He had everything filed away in his own system and it worked. Bobby wouldn’t go near his research which was probably a good thing because Dean didn’t like anyone touching his stuff. He was possessive over it because it was the only thing that made him useful at this point.

 

Dean propped the leg against the side of the sink and rubbed his stump. He looked to the tub that was now filled; water mixed with bath salts. He didn’t get the smelly kind, they were too girly and he couldn’t stand the smell. Dean always opted for the medicinal ones because they eased the pain when it flared up.

 

Hobbling over to the tub, Dean eased himself down into the hot water and turned the tap off with his foot. It felt nice to just sink into the water and let the tension ease from his shoulders. He knew it was a long time coming and that this bath was overdue. The pain started to dissipate and Dean just sat there, humming Metallica to himself. If he’d have been smart, he would have brought his CD player into the bathroom. He didn’t like leaving it here because there wasn’t enough counter space for it. And he always said he would put in a shelf for it but never got around to it.

 

The bath was doing its job and Dean was pain free for the moment. He just enjoyed the water brushing against him as he cleaned himself. It was a habit and one he hadn’t been able to break. It felt too much like wasting water if he just soaked in the bath. And that was a lesson he would never forget, not really.

 

Done with the bath, Dean stood and steadied himself with a hand against the wall. He was a pro at moving around on one leg, having mastered it when he was thirteen and refused to sleep with his prosthesis on. He didn’t keep his crutches near his bed and most times he forgot about not having a leg when he woke up in the middle of the night searching for someone who wasn’t there anymore.

 

Those nights were the hardest and Dean had felt like giving up and if it hadn’t been for Bobby, he probably would have. Dean had been angry at the world and his only focus had been rehab and mastering walking. Most days he had needed a wheelchair to get around the school’s hallways and the amount of teasing he’d endure had started more fights than Dean could count.

 

Of course that hadn’t helped his cause any but Dean hadn’t given two shits. He had no problem standing up for himself and dared anyone to make fun of him. He didn’t want pity and he didn’t want to deal with the assholes that were kids. He knew what was out there and at one time had been able to at least protect himself. But with his leg gone, there wasn’t much Dean could really do other than go down fighting.

 

Bobby had rolled his eyes when he had to come down to the school and called Dean a ‘damned idjit’ for even getting into a fight. It was drawing attention to Dean and that was something he didn’t really need. So after that, Dean had taken the high road and rolled on when the other bastards started to taunt him. He wanted nothing more than to punch their face but like Bobby had said, he was drawing too much attention.

 

Dean toweled himself and heard a car in the drive. He frowned because Bobby hadn’t mentioned any visitors at all. Dean made sure to dress quickly and fastened his leg on in haste but made sure it was secure. He didn’t want to take a tumble down the stairs since it wasn’t really his idea of fun. Dean made sure he was presentable before heading down the stairs.

 

Just as he stepped into the foyer, he heard the car door slam. It was closed with more force than necessary which meant whoever was out there, was pretty peeved. It couldn’t be Garth because that kid was as chill as a cucumber. Nothing seemed to bother him and he was always happy. Dean was sure he was on drugs.

 

He went to the door and opened it to let the stranger in. Odds were, Bobby knew this person and would’ve been out the door if he hadn’t been expecting anyone. The man that stood before Dean was young, his hair starting to curl around his ears. He seemed familiar to Dean but he couldn’t place why. His hazel eyes were narrowed, as if he didn’t want to be here and had better things to do other than be in the bum fuck of nowhere.

 

“Hey, I’m Sam Winchester. Is Bobby around?” The guy said, jerking Dean right out of his thoughts. He scratched the back of his head and led Sam in. The guy seemed to know his way around the house like he’d been here all his life and didn’t need Dean to guide him.

 

“I’m Dean Campbell. He’s in the kitchen. Funny, he didn’t say anything about a guest comin’ here.” Dean eyed Sam, sizing him up and attempting to compare him to a memory far from the past.

  
Dean stopped trying as a headache started to form. It wasn’t worth the effort but he didn’t miss the brief happy smile that crossed over Bobby’s lips when he saw Sam. There was a story here and Dean would find out what it was. He had been given a bone and wouldn’t give up. 


	2. Along for the Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Sam and Bobby explains exactly was is going on. Bobby talks Dean into going with Sam to look for John and Dean reluctantly accepts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorta looking for a BETA for my stories. If you're interested go to the journal below and leave me a comment! :3
> 
> http://xiophelia.livejournal.com/2251.html

Dean watched as Bobby hugged Sam, like he hadn’t seen him in years. If the evidence was anything to go by, it had been quite awhile. Dean leaned against the door frame of the kitchen and just observed. Sam was tall, still growing into his long limbs. He was an enigma because Dean had heard that Sam Winchester had left the hunting community and gone to college. Everyone had speculated that Sam would have been as well known as his daddy, but it seemed he’d had other plans.

 

Sam was John’s youngest kid; but he was hardly spoken about Sam was just another hunter that had gone straight. Dean had met John only a handful of times and he’d mentioned his son only once and it was with a grim expression that was filled with a story.

 

The stories hadn’t been clear on what John had been hunting, just that his son had died violently and had been given a hunter’s funeral. Dean knew better than to pry and had left it alone. He would have asked Bobby but it wasn’t Bobby’s story to tell at all.

 

“Want to tell me why you called in the middle of the night, Bobby? I had to give a bullshit excuse to my professors for skipping class for a few days.” Sam’s voice was deep and exhausted emotionally. Whatever relationship Sam had with John, it wasn’t a good one.

 

“It’s your daddy, Sam. I ain’t heard from him for a few days and I needed you to check in on him.” Bobby answered; he wasn’t a man who pussy-footed around and got straight to the point.

 

Years of living with Bobby had given Dean a sort of immunity to Bobby and he even sometimes called the older man out on his bullshit. That had sparked some epic fights in the house but they always made up in the end. Sometimes, Dean just needed to let the anger of feeling abandoned out of his system. Bobby didn’t mind bearing the brunt of the release of the pent-up frustration. Hell, he probably thought it was his duty for whatever reason.

 

“So? Dad’s gone on hunts before and went missing for weeks. What makes this any different?” Sam asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

 

Dean wanted to surge forward and grab Sam by the shoulders, shake him, and yell at him, ‘that’s your father, bitch! You’re supposed to care!’ He tamped down on the urge but it didn’t stop the disappointed expression that crossed his face. It seemed like Sam and John had drifted so far apart that the young Winchester outright hated the older. The thought didn’t set well with Dean but he kept his mouth shut. He really had no business sticking his nose into this mess.

 

“Sam, John always checks in with me every week. I might not like the man, but we had a system and he’s kept to it for fifteen years. This is the first week I haven’t heard from him and I need you to check things out. I can’t go because I’m working on something huge. You can take Dean if you want for back up.” Bobby grunted and returned to his food.

 

“Take him? Why?” Sam demanded, like he was some spoiled child that didn’t want to listen to his father.

 

Dean found the act rather boring and he had no interest chasing after John. He was needed here more because he really needed to finish up that research for Garth. Besides, he wasn’t any good on a hunt with his bum leg. He wouldn’t be any good to Sam since he couldn’t quite move like a hunter should. Dean folded his arms and tried to look as stern as possible. He wouldn’t budge on this because really, field wasn’t for him, hadn’t been since he was eleven.

 

“No can do, Bobby. You know I don’t do field work.” Dean said as he watched Bobby’s reaction. This would go one of two way since both men were stubborn.

 

“Damnit, Dean. You have to go. I can handle Garth and I promise I won’t mess up your precious research. Heaven forbid I actually touch the stuff. There was an EVP on the phone the last I spoke to John, I managed to save the damn thing.” Both men watched as Bobby went to grab his cell phone from the kitchen, he flipped it open and played the part he had managed to save on speaker.

 

“I can never go home...”

 

Dean’s eyes narrowed while Sam just stared at the phone. He was probably gauging whether or not it would be productive to go chasing after John. The hesitation irritated Dean because John was Sam’s family and here he was hesitating to go after him. Sam knew what was out there and how hunting could go wrong. If John was in trouble they would need to leave soon.

 

“I’ll go. But if I don’t find him at the end of the weekend, you’re on your own, Bobby. I have an interview on Monday for law school and I am not missing it.” Sam’s hazel were filled a fire that lit them up. He was used to fighting and wanted away from the life. Dean could get that but he couldn’t understand leaving his family in a situation where they could be dead.

 

“That’s perfectly acceptable, Sam. I just want to make sure John is alive even though the damned idiot hasn’t checked in. Dean here will prove useful, more than me, that’s for sure.”

 

“Hey, I never said I would go. You know I can’t keep up in the field, Bobby.” Dean protested, arms still crossed and face looking like he had sucked on a lemon. He didn’t want to leave the safety of Bobby’s home and have the illusion that he was useful shattered because he couldn’t run away from a damned ghost. Dean had been hiding behind his books for years and he couldn’t give up that safety at all.

 

“Dean, you’re selling yourself short. Just go with Sam and make sure the kid doesn’t get himself killed. He hasn’t been in the field for years and you’re no slouch yourself. You can handle yourself just fine.” The way Bobby spoke made it seem like Dean could do anything, but he knew better.

 

But Bobby seemed determined that Dean would go on this hunt. He couldn’t deny he wanted to go out into the field and see it was like for himself, but Dean had reservations because while he could run, he wasn’t that quick because of the prosthesis and that could quite possibly get him and Sam killed. It wasn’t a risk he wanted to take, but it seemed like Bobby was pretty damned determined to send him out.

 

“What’s your problem anyway, man?” Sam asked, folding his arms into his chest and giving Dean a once over like he hadn’t even seen him when he burst into Bobby’s house.

 

“I lost a leg when I was a kid. I can’t move as fast as you, dickhead.” Dean grunted and lifted up his pant leg to show Sam the white plastic leg that was attached to a boot. He let the material slide back down and cover the fact that he was missing a leg and had to rely on a prosthesis. Dean wasn’t ashamed of it, not really, but there were times he was self conscious.

 

“Well, that’s certainly unexpected...” Sam trailed and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you really think he needs to go with me, Bobby?”

 

“You’ll need the back-up like I said, kid. You’ve been out of the game for too long and will need someone who never left. I trust Dean enough to have your back.” There was a faith in Bobby’s voice that had always been there and now Dean understood.

 

“You’re having Jody over for a few nights and want me out of the way. You sneaky bastard.” Dean grinned and put an arm around Bobby’s neck to give him a hug.

 

“Would you get off me, ya idjit. This isn’t about me and Jody. Just go with Sam and get out of my hair. I’ve been stuck with your ass for fifteen years, I deserve a little break.” The man huffed as he pushed Dean away from him.

 

“Fine, fine. Where was John when he disappeared?” Dean asked as he sat down on a kitchen chair. The kitchen was beginning to smell great and he wanted to dig in but knew Bobby wouldn’t let him just yet.

 

“He was in Jericho, California. I know it was a lot to ask you to fly out here, Sam. But it was the only way I knew you’d listen to me.” Bobby informed the younger man as he watched him.

 

“Oh hell no, we are not flying back to California. We can take Baby and we’ll get there. It’s only what, Wednesday? Yeah, we have plenty of time.” Dean interrupted before Sam could get a word in. He hated flying and there was no way on God’s green Earth that he would even think about getting into a plane. Baby was good enough transportation.

 

“The faster we get to Jericho, the faster I can be done with this job, Dean.” Sam hissed. “I have an interview that I can’t miss on Monday.”

 

“And it’s only Wednesday! I can make it to Jericho by Friday. We have the whole weekend, dude, we can take two days to travel by road. I’m not getting in a deathtrap.” Dean argued back, green eyes flaring with a spark of fire as he got into Sam’s space.

 

“You better get us there by Friday,” was the only thing Sam said before backing away from Dean.

 

“He’ll get you there alright,” Bobby mumbled under his breath. He had watched the interaction with interest and kept his thoughts to himself. He didn’t know how this whole thing would work out with Dean and Sam seeing each other. Things were a little tense but hopefully they would ease out before they began their little party. He didn’t want to leave them alone but this had to be done and John would probably hate him for it. Bobby felt he had no other choice.

 

“Hey, don’t doubt Baby. She’s the best out there,” Dean grinned widely as he clapped Sam on the back.

 

“We’ll leave after dinner. I bet Bobby’s been working on this all afternoon,” Sam said with a tentative smile.

 

“Dude, he was like a girl on her prom. I knew someone important was coming because Bobby doesn’t even cook like that for me. I’m left to fend for myself.” Dean laughed as he took his seat again. The tension had been broken between him and Sam. He was a bit more relaxed because he didn’t know what he would have done if the man resented him and he would have been stuck with him.

 

“Shut your pie hole, boy. I raised you better than that.” Bobby grumbled but couldn’t hide the slight smile. Dean caught it but wouldn’t say a word on it.

 

“So you’ve lived with Bobby for fifteen years?” Sam asked Dean, trying to make conversation.

 

Dean stiffened for a moment. He didn’t know what to tell Sam about his past. Hell, it was fuzzy on some parts and so he normally tried to avoid this conversation. But he couldn’t today with the look Bobby was giving him and so he gave in.

 

“When I was eleven there was a poltergeist in my house,” Dean started. “It ripped my family from me and took my leg from me too. The guy who saved me took me to the hospital and Bobby showed up. He took me in, that’s about it.”

 

Dean shrugged and didn’t look at Sam or Bobby. He hated talking about that night and normally did anything in his power to avoid it. Sometimes he made up some ridiculous story that he was drag racing at eleven and lost it in an accident since the truth hurt too much and not many people would believe it either. The one time he had tried to tell the truth, it had backfired in his face and cost him a relationship.

 

He had stripped himself bare in front of someone who he thought would be the one and he’d been laugh at. His story was thrown back in his face and he had been ridiculed. Dean hadn’t done anything to really protect himself and just let it go. He knew ordinary people could be cruel but he thought at least that someone who had loved him would have understood.

 

The memory was pushed back because really, Dean didn’t want to dwell on it and he had done enough of that the first year after the break up. He couldn’t afford to drown in the ‘what ifs’ and other things that came along with a trip down memory lane. Dean wasn’t weak and he didn’t like people thinking it either. He more than once proved himself to the hunters that gathered at The Roadhouse and thought they could push Dean around. He’d proven just how adequate he was at fighting and no one thought to bother him after that. If they did, it would be Ellen’s wrath they’d be facing.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Sam murmured. There was a haunt in his eyes that spoke he knew Dean’s pain.

 

“It is what it is.” Dean answered with a shrug. He was awkward as hell about this but there was nothing that could really be done. He came to terms with what happened and never thought about it unless he got raging drunk when Bobby wasn’t around. Dean carefully hid himself as deep as he could because it was the only thing he knew.

 

“I lost my older brother to a ghost hunt gone wrong.” Sam offered as he reached a hand out and placed it over Deans.

 

It was such an odd reaction that Dean couldn’t help but study the man before him. It seemed to be an unconscious action and Sam was unaware that he had done it. Bobby was hanging in the background like he knew something was up and wanted to keep an eye on them like they were a bunch of teenagers who were going to make out at any given moment.

 

“That’s...sad. Was he by himself?” Dean inquired, not exactly knowing what to say. He was sometimes awkward around people, especially those who didn’t live in the life he had. It was an eye opener to how different he actually was to those around him.

 

“My dad took him on a hunt and got him killed.” Sam answered bitterly. He took his hand from Dean’s and ran it through his hair wildly.

 

He was nervous and Dean understood that. Sam had never forgiven John for his brother’s death and probably never would. It was also probably the reason why Sam left the life, too much death of those he loved. Dean could see why Sam left and he didn’t exactly blame him one bit. Hunting wasn’t exactly the apple pie life and it got too bothersome for some people to just continue. When a hunter retired, they took a risk of something going after them once they settled in one spot.

 

“It’s a sore subject. I get that, man. We really don’t have to talk about it.” Dean suggested with a gentle voice. He didn’t want to hear how bitter Sam was towards his own father. It hurt because they were family and yet there was this rift between them, he could sense it just from the few sentences Sam had spoken.

 

“Yeah, sorry. I don’t like to talk about my brother. He had the same attitude as you, actually.” Sam said with a wry smile. “He was a bit of a troublemaker but he always made up for it.”

 

“Sounds like he would have made one hell of a man,” Dean remarked. He had nothing else he could really say on the subject and it really did hit close to home.

 

“Yeah, he would have.” Sam answered wistfully.

 

~*~

The ride to Jericho, California had been long and full of a tense silence. Sam had asked Dean about the car and Dean had felt obligated to answer his questions. He told Sam how John had left the car to Bobby and how Bobby had given it to Dean to take care of it. It was evident that the Impala was well taken care of and that some things hadn’t been changed.

 

Sam could hear the Lego’s in the vents even though Metallica and AC/DC were blaring through the speakers. He had tried to get Dean to play something other than metal but he’d been told ‘driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his cake hole.’ After that he checked for his and Dean’s initials in the car. It was all there and he couldn’t understand why. Dean hadn’t been able to give him the answers he wanted and only told Sam it felt wrong to mess with Baby that way. The reply hadn’t been what Sam expected but he had let the subject go and just enjoyed the rumble he had missed from the car’s engine.

 

They were now pulling into the motel that John had checked into. The sun was bright for being so early in the morning and Dean’s stump wasn’t aching for once. He slid out of the Impala with some difficulty, he wasn’t used to long car rides. Sam looked like he wanted to help, but Dean just waved him off with a hand. Dean didn’t like having help and he certainly wouldn’t take it from Sam. Dean spent his life standing on his own and he would continue to do so.

 

The motel was something of a hunter’s dream, nondescript with a certain flair to it. Hunter’s weren’t known to stay in a five star hotel and this was certainly as off the grid you could get. It wouldn’t draw attention and a person could go and come as they pleased without being noticed. The motel was a good choice in Dean’s eye.

 

“I’ll go see which he was in,” Sam suggested. Dean nodded and waited by the Impala while the other spoke to the owner of the motel.

 

Sam had wanted to go to the highway where John had disappeared but Dean didn’t want to go into this blind. He knew the younger Winchester was ready to find his father and get back to Palo Alto so he could continue his life. Sam hadn’t relaxed at all since they’d arrived in California. His face screwed up in a frown and Dean dubbed it a bitch face; not that Sam would ever hear Dean call it that.

 

Dean liked Sam, he was an okay kid even if he was a little moody with daddy issues. But that was to be expected with the way his brother had died. Dean was sure Sam didn’t know the details of Dean Winchester’s death, John probably couldn’t bring himself to tell him at all that it had been a poltergeist and John hadn’t done his homework correctly. That would probably start a fire no one would be able to put out at all.

 

Bobby had knowledge of what happened to Dean Winchester and had shared it with him. He had shared the information with Dean under the impression that he wouldn’t tell another living soul. It was a huge secret and Dean kept it close to his heart where no one would see it. The trust that Bobby had in Dean was mind blowing and he wouldn’t do anything to endanger it. Sure, it made things hard to be around Sam when he knew the truth, but then again, even without that huge secret it was still a struggle for Dean.

 

There was something about Sam that had Dean re-evaluating everything he had ever been taught. It even dug into his childhood and pulled that to the front of his mind. Dean didn’t like to think of how he had spent his days back then in motels with his family as they moved from place to place. Dean didn’t want to really think about his family and what could have been and left the thoughts alone. He had Bobby now and his research, that was all he needed once this job was done.

 

Sam came out of the office with a grim expression and Dean immediately pushed himself from the car and met him halfway. From the way Sam’s shoulders were set, he was stressing out more than normal. Dean was sure Sam’s classes hadn’t been like this.

 

“He hasn’t been here for a few days but he paid up for the whole month.” Sam informed Dean as they walked. “I was able to score the key after I told the manager I was related to Dad.”

 

Dean didn’t say a word as the door was opened and they stepped inside. The room looked as though John had left in a hurry and there was a half eaten burger laying on the night stand. Dean sniffed it and made a face.

 

“John’s bailed.” He said with certainty as he put the food back and went over to the far wall. There were news clippings and obituaries that had string connecting them. Dean studied them with intent, already knowing what John had found out.

 

“He was hunting a woman in white...” Dean murmured as Sam stood beside him and began to rifle through John’s things. There were still some weapons stashed under the bed that spoke volumes. John knew Sam would come.

 

“So he left and we have to finish the job. Is that the end game here?” Sam asked as he sat down on the bed and buried his face in his hands. He had gotten worked up, thinking his father had been in danger and here John had just skipped town.

 

“I’m not sure what he’s thinking.” Dean answered frowning. A woman in white was easy enough to handle if you weren’t caught by her. But there was something else that had John skipping out and Dean wasn’t sure if he wanted the answer.

 

“That’s typical of him though. I guess we have no choice but to take of care. I told the guy we’d take his room for the night. Maybe we can track him down if he left us anything.” Sam collapsed onto the bed and put his forearm over his eyes.  

 

Dean watched with interest and put down the article he was holding. Sam would be in pain for the rest of this trip if he kept up with tensing his shoulders. Dean was sure his offer would get blown to hell but he had to try. They bother needed to be alert in order for this to go smoothly as possible.

 

“I can give you a massage, dude.” Dean suggested as he walked across the room. It wasn’t lost on him that this was a one bed room and that they would have to share the bed.

 

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll manage.” Sam responded as he lifted his arm to look at Dean.

 

“Seriously, I can’t have you all tense. You need to be at a hundred percent and that means stress for the moment! We’ll take a look at the highway tonight and see what’s up with it. I’d do it in the daylight but something tells me people aren’t friendly here.” Dean explained as he slipped onto the bed.

 

He couldn’t deny that Sam was handsome, especially with his eyes that seemed to change color with his mood. Dean was sure he was a bit interested in Sam Winchester and while he wanted to fight against that, he couldn’t bring himself to. It was just too easy to give in to be honest and Dean was tired of fighting.

 

“Fine.” Sam grumbled as he sat up and removed his shirt. Dean’s eyes trailed the movement without missing a thing. He couldn’t deny that a shirtless Sam was attractive.

 

Dean tried to avert his eyes before Sam caught him staring. He didn’t want to deal with a fallout while on a hunt even if him and Sam barely knew each other. Sure some relationships had been started on less but Dean had been burnt and he wanted to avoid that particular pain for as long as he could.

 

“You don’t mind me sitting on your lower back?” Dean inquired as Sam rolled to his stomach.

 

“It’s not a problem.” Sam admitted and buried his face between his folded arms.

 

“Awesome.” Dean murmured as he settled himself the best he could with his prosthesis. It was weird that he couldn’t really feel anything and the position should have been uncomfortable. Dean found a bottle of hotel lotion and used it on his hands. He had taken a class out of boredom one summer and was told he had magic fingers.   
  
He started on Sam’s lower back, digging into the muscles slowly at first and working them between his fingers. Dean dug as much as he could without hurting Sam and moved his way up his back. It was easy to see that the man kept himself in shape despite ditching the life. Dean appreciated that fact with the way Sam’s muscles moved under his flesh at his touch. It was almost captivating and he was sure he was going to hell for the thoughts that ran through his head.

 

Sam let out small grunts when Dean worked over some particularly knotted parts of his shoulders. The sound was definitely sexy and Dean had to fight back his body’s natural reaction to such a sound. He was able to maintain at least some bit of professionalism and kept his attraction from showing itself to Sam. That would be one hell of an awkward discussion that Dean wouldn’t have the energy for.

 

“Dean, you were right. I totally needed this.” Sam groaned as his body just relaxed instantly. Dean patted the guy on the shoulder and rolled off him. He spread his body on the bed and looked at the ceiling.

 

When this job was over he go back to Bobby’s and pretend this had never happened. He could go on with his life and ignore this longing that threatened his life. Dean hardly wanted anything and made it a point to never ask Bobby for what he desired. The man had taken to observing Dean and picked up on what he wanted and often gifted it by leaving it in his room. Dean had tried to give the gifts back but Bobby refused and left it at that.

 

So Dean learned to live with his desires and never acted on them. Even now, he would probably let Sam go back to Palo Alto and have his interview. He would also step out of his life and let the guy live it however he wanted. Dean didn’t mind the life he had and Bobby made it a little less lonely even if the man was like a father to him.

 

“Where did you learn that, Dean?” Sam asked, peeking up through his arms to look at the man sprawled out beside him. He was examining Dean like he was seeing him in a new light and it made Dean squirm just a little.

 

“I took a class one summer cause I was bored.” Dean explained with a simple shrug of his shoulders like it wasn’t a huge deal. Dean didn’t like praise and felt it was really unneeded. He normally just brushed it off like it wasn’t that big a deal.

 

“That sounds cool though,” Sam said with a smile and propped his head on an elbow. “So are we going to hang here until dark?”

 

“Yeah, we shouldn’t draw attention to ourselves. It’s more than likely John had and that’s why he skipped out. We won’t know for certain but it’s all we have to go on. Now that we know he’s safe...we can take care of this Constance Welch and be on our way. I’ll take you back to Palo Alto if you want. It’s not that far of a drive really and hey, I like the open road.” Dean’s grin was wolfish as he turned his gaze to Sam. It’d been a long time since he felt like this, open and carefree. Dean didn’t want it to go away but there was little choice. He and Sam would go separate ways.

 

“Sounds about right. Dad’s not really subtle.” Sam said with a hint of a wry smile. “You never speak about your family, what they were like. Why’s that?”

 

“They were ripped from me like I said and it’s a really sore subject for me.” Dean answered softly as he diverted his eyes from Sam. “I’ve never healed from their loss and probably never will. I don’t...like thinking about them.”

 

“Hey, it’s cool. Were they hunters?”

 

“Yeah, they were,” was all Dean offered to Sam. He didn't want this to turn into the Oprah Winfrey Show.  “You want to rest before tonight? I know you did a lot of that in the car but we are going to the highway tonight.”

 

“You’re right. We’re gonna need cool heads. We’ll have to talk to her husband. It doesn’t look like Dad spoke to him. So maybe we’ll get up later this afternoon and head out to talk to him?” Sam suggested, still watching Dean.

 

“That’s a good idea actually. I can’t believe we got here so early.” Dean grumbled as he turned around on the bed and sat up. He would have to take the prosthesis off before he slept because it would be uncomfortable. He leaned it against the wall and fell back to the bed once his pant leg was covering what wasn’t there.

 

“You practically drove the whole way here, dude, without stopping,” Sam chuckled. He didn’t stare at the missing limb; just accepted it for what it was and didn’t say a word about it.

 

“It was nice, yeah. I don’t travel much away from Bobby’s house because that’s where I keep my information. It’s nice to get out into society and forgot for a bit that I know what’s out there. Maybe I should take a vacation sometime.” Dean’s smile was sad, ending the conversation as Sam turned on the bed with his back to Dean.

  
There wasn’t anything else to be said and the clock had been set to wake them up that afternoon. Dean just hoped they could get through this night without any trouble, but somehow he knew it wouldn’t happen; trouble followed Winchesters like the plague. 


	3. The Song and Dance Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam have dinner and discuss not only the case but their lives. Later they have a run-in with Constance and Sam decides he wants to attempt to date Dean despite the distance between them.

The interview had went as well as expected. It could have been worse but Sam had everything under control and Dean was impressed. The kid was hard as balls and on top of his game even though he hadn’t been living the life. Dean couldn’t help but think Sam would have been a great hunter if he had stayed with John. But he hadn’t been happy from what Dean had gathered and he couldn’t blame Sam for leaving. If Dean had been in his shoes, he might have done the same. It wasn’t that he didn’t mind the life, but Sam had lived it longer than Dean and he knew the kind of toll it could take on a person.

 

There were probably days where some hunters didn’t want to roll out of bed. Some days were just better spent in bed and being ignorant of what lurked out in the world. Sure, other hunters could pick up the game but there was something satisfying about finishing a hunt yourself. Dean dealt with that on a daily basis and stubborn hunters were his forte. Hunters were a handful on good days and when they were having bad ones, they were worse.

 

Of course Dean received the blunt end of their anger and frustration. He dealt with it like a saint but there were times he had thrown something out of frustration because he was tired of the rudeness that came with his line of his work. Sometimes Dean wanted to give them the wrong information just to teach the assholes a lesson but if it hadn’t been for innocent people getting hurt, he would have. Bobby had taught Dean revenge was a dish best served cold and there were times Dean sent a hunter on a fake hunt just to fuck with them.

 

They never caught on and if they had, he would have been dead meat probably. Hunters were a force to be reckoned with because they trained their bodies to kill. Dean wasn’t a slouch himself but he didn’t exactly make it necessary to keep himself a weapon. He was a researcher and even though Dean was actually like being out here, he would go back to his library and continue to catalogue.

 

It wasn’t quite dark yet and they hadn’t ate anything since they had rolled out of bed at one. Dean was hungry and he knew Sam was as well. It wasn’t like they didn’t have time to kill so when Dean had suggestion grabbing dinner at the local diner, Sam had jumped at the offer.

 

The diner was a nice, quaint place. The decorations were photos of the town and the people who lived there. There was a tale that was being written on the wall and Dean found himself following it when they entered the diner. It was friendly and they were greeted when they stepped into the door. Dean found it nice and he gave a smile to the waitress.

 

Dean could smell the food cooking from the kitchen and knew they’d pick a great place to eat. It was down home cooking that would really hit the spot for him. The menus were waiting for them at the table they’d pick and Dean grinned widely when he saw it. There was nothing but comfort food in black and white lettering. His stomach would be in heaven and he wouldn’t have to lie to Bobby and tell him he had ate well while he’d been away.

 

He’d already had his food picked out when the waitress approached their table. Sam looked like he was still trying to figure out what he wanted. Dean put his order, not waiting for the man across from him because he was hungry. They would probably be here a bit longer than necessary but that was a given. There was time to kill and if it meant lingering in a diner, then Dean was okay with that. Townspeople liked to gossip and this was the perfect time to eavesdrop. People had a tendency to forget about strangers when they were surrounded by those they knew and secrets slipped.

 

After a few minutes of listening in, Dean was bored. The latest gossip was a scandal that wasn't really noteworthy. Dean made a face at Sam but the kid was still looking at his menu and missed it entirely. When the waitress returned, Sam gave her his order.

 

"Seriously, dude, a freakin' salad?" Dean gagged after the girl left. He hated rabbit food and couldn't believe someone would actually eat it. He had standards and Bobby pretty much catered to that. Of course Bobby enjoyed the same food Dean had.

 

“Don’t knock it til you try it.” Sam shot back with a grin. It was good natured banter and he didn’t really mind it since Jessica had done the same. For a small woman, she could pack away the food.

 

“Not gonna happen, Sammy.” Dean replied with a roll of his eyes. He saw the other man stiffen and knew he’d hit a sore spot. It had to have been the name he used.

 

“Don’t call me that,” Sam whispered as he looked to the table. He hadn’t heard anyone call him that since his brother and he didn’t want to think about that can of worms. The air was tense around them and Sam didn’t know if the easiness would come back.

 

“It’s what your brother called you?” Dean asked with a soft voice. He didn’t want to raise his voice and make Sam even more uncomfortable. It’d been a long time since he’d been in a situation this uncomfortable.

 

“Yeah,” was all Sam really offered. They fell into a lulled silence.

 

Dean felt like an ass bringing Sam’s brother up. There wasn’t anything he could think of to say to ease the heavy silence. He wasn’t exactly a people person when it came to stuff like this and Dean wasn’t one to talk about feelings. He was fidgeting in his seat with nervous energy that he didn’t know what to do with. It was building and building with no outlet.

 

“He wasn’t one to talk about feelings, even when he was ten.” Sam stated out of the blue. He pinned Dean with hazel eyes and gave him a wary smile. “He would make that face too.”

 

“Sounds like he was emotionally constipated,” Dean chuckled.

 

“Almost. He still had a faith in our father when he was that age. He would follow what Dad said with little argument.” A smile passed over Sam’s lips, one that wasn’t haunted. Dean knew that Sam was thinking of a good memory.

 

“He was great though even though he wouldn’t speak about himself,” Sam continued. It seemed like the dam had opened and Dean was soaking it up. “He was all about keeping me in the dark so I wouldn’t be subjected to what was really out there. Dean wanted...he wanted me to grow up normal. I always thought he resented me some because I was ignorant. He always had to protect me, it was his job.”

 

“I’m sure Dean didn’t think that, Sam.” Dean remarked after a moment of silence. He could see how the death of his brother affected the man and it made him sad. No one should ever have to feel as though their sibling didn’t love them.

 

Sam snorted. “Yeah right. He was always on my back about things and hiding the truth. But...the way he protected me, Dean, it was like he was willing to die to protect me.”

 

“All older siblings are like that.” Dean murmured before their food arrived. It was more than likely a good thing it had because he had been getting uncomfortable fast. He wished he knew Sam a little better to give him the solace he was seeking. He couldn’t be the brother Sam wanted.

 

“You know from experience?”

 

“I had a little brother that I would do anything for,” Dean answered vaguely. He didn’t want to go down this road with Sam, at least not right now. It was one that was best saved when they both had a copious amount of alcohol in front of them. But he had good food and that was some comfort.

 

“You lost him, right?” Sam inquired, knowing the question would more than likely hurt Dean but he had to know.

 

“I did. He had been my world and I failed him.” Dean responded with a hollow tone. He didn’t want to have this conversation sober and so he steered it away. Sam wouldn’t forget though and would probably ask Dean about his story later.

 

“What did you learn today?” He asked Sam. They needed to go over this information because John didn’t leave them much; just newspaper clippings of Constance and her victims. There had been no indication of where she had been buried and so they had needed to go straight to the source.

 

“She’s buried on their old property under a tree. We can’t really miss it.” Sam replied. It was obvious he knew that Dean was dodging his question but there wasn’t much he could do about it. With getting to know Dean, he’d solve one mystery only to have another pop up. He wanted to take the man apart, get to know him on a more personal level.

 

“Well, that’s a good thing but it still doesn’t tell us where John is.” Dean sighed and took a bite of his burger. It was the best thing he tasted besides the ones Bobby made on the grill. Dean would like to come back to Jericho again when there wasn’t any business to attend. He really needed to take more vacations and this was on the list for later.

“No, it doesn’t. Dad doesn’t leave job unfinished. But he never just disappears like this and since his body hadn’t been found, I doubt if Constance has anything to do with it.” Sam mulled over the information in his head.

 

“You have a point there. John wouldn’t leave if he didn’t have someone lined up. I wondered how he knew Bobby would call you.” Dean replied while chewing. He sometimes forgot he was chewing when he was talking. It was a bad habit he hadn’t grown out of and Bobby hadn’t been around to smack his head.

 

"Because Bobby's trying to fix something he can't," Sam admitted.

 

Dean hadn't been blind to the situation or how poorly Sam spoke of his father. This was a war he really had no reason to be apart of and yet he found himself wanting to comfort Sam.

 

"So you're going to Stanford?" Dean asked; trying to steer the conversation away from the Winchester family and the thousand problems attached to that name.

 

"Yeah. I have an interview Monday for law school. I never dreamed I would get out of the life. Dad was always pushing me and he tried to use Dean's death to motivate me. But I lost my big brother. I didn't see that as a reason to hunt. I saw it as a warning." Sam sighed and took a bite of his salad. He was amazed at how easy it was to speak to Dean. He wondered if it was because of the man's easy going nature or if he just felt familiar.

 

"Hey, I'm not gonna judge, man. You sound like you enjoy the life you have now." Dean gave Sam a smile. He understood what Sam meant. Growing up in the life wasn't easy and most children didn't have the guts to leave like Sam had. Dean was both proud and impressed

 

"I just wish my brother were here to share it. I have no idea what he would think of me leaving Dad like I did. It was the most intense fight we'd ever had." Sam murmured as he thought about the words John had spoken to him. It was more than likely he wouldn't see his dad for a bit. When John Winchester wanted to hide; he hid.

 

"I'm sure he'd be proud of you no matter what. It takes a lot of guts to go after what you want. If it hadn't been for my determination; I wouldn't be sittin' in front of you. I was ready to give up when I lost them," Dean choked out. He hated speaking about his family like this; pretending they were dead.

 

"Bobby pretty much kicked my ass into gear and helped me through everything. He made me realized that I didn't have to settle for the way my life was going. I buckled down and buried my head into books. I knew what I wanted to do and I went after it."

 

"But you wanted something different didn't you?" Sam questioned; understanding lining his tone.

 

"Yeah. I wanted to hunt." Dean shrugged. "I wanted to be out in the field, travelin' the country and helpin' people. I was narrowed minded at first but the more I learned about demons and mythology proved to be very helpful."

 

"Sounds like you found your niche." Sam said with a small smile. He realized that Dean Campbell was a man who was earnest in everything he did and wore a tough shell because of his lost family. Sam wanted to tear that down the more he got to know Dean.

 

"Yeah, Sammy," Dean said with a content smile. Sam didn't even flinch at the nickname. "I did and it gets the job done faster."

 

The conversation ventured into what was considered safer territory after that. Dean spoke of his obsession with Vonnegut and lit up with an enthusiasm that was almost contagious. There was passion behind his words and he couldn't help himself as he discussed one of his favorite topics.

 

It was a change to speak to someone who had a college education and was up to par to a debate. Dean relished in it as he and Sam countered each other over their food. It was wrong of him but he was starting to fall for Sam.

 

\--

 

It was a warm, musty night for the beginning of November. But Dean knew how these nights worked. He always liked them and would spend them on Bobby's porch sleeping in a hammock.

 

There was an energy in the air and it seemed to run right through him. He was nervous when they started on the highway. Dean's leg was moving up and down against the door when he spotted a young woman on the edge of the bridge and a wrecked car off to the side.

 

Instinct had him slamming on the brakes and turning the Impala off. Both him and Sam were out of the car in a heartbeat. He headed to the woman while Sam went to the car to check on the driver. Chanced were, they were dead. Dean would money on that.

 

The woman was dressed in white and he had no doubt as to who she was. This was Constance and she would jump from the bridge; repeating the past like she'd done since the eighties.

 

Dean sucked in a breath as she fell and he went to the side of the bridge. There was no sign of her anywhere and he knew she was gone. He had hoped to prevent an accident by coming here tonight. He had to see for himself since it'd been so long since his own encounter with a ghost.

 

"He's dead," Sam said breathlessly as he stood by Dean. The look on his face was a sad one and Dean knew the guy was beating himself up.

 

"We should have burned her," Dean mumbled into the night as he gazed down at the river.

 

"Hey, we made the decision to come here. It was my idea too." Sam replied as he placed a hand on Dean's shoulder.

 

"Yeah. It just sucks." Dean sighed before the headlights of the Impala lit up.

 

"Dean, did you leave the car on?" Sam asked, swallowing.

 

"No. My keys are in my pocket." He reached into his pocket and sure enough there they were. Before both men could respond, the Impala revved her engine.

 

"Baby, c'mon." Dean started to plead. "Don't do this to me."

 

His words fell short when the car started to move and they had no choice to start running. Dean was having trouble with his prosthesis and then he was against the rail of the bridge and jumped without thinking. He didn't want to be crushed by his car and he fell into the river before he grab hold like Sam had

 

The water was a bit colder than Dean expected. He had trouble trying to stay above surface because his prosthesis wasn't made to handle water and it was doing little to help him. He tried to yell for Sam but only swallowed river water for his troubles.

 

He could feel the edge of unconsciousness attempting to take hold as he struggled to not breathe. He didn't want to die on his first job; not like this.

 

Strong hands grabbed his shoulders and Dean felt himself being pulled from the river. He gasped for breath as he laid on the sandy shore. His chest was heaving and he could barely see Sam lying next to him.

 

"Are you okay, Dean?" Sam murmured when he rolled so he could hover over Dean. Sam’s eyes were searching over Dean and trying to see the damage in the dark.

 

"Yeah, Sammy, m'fine." Dean mumbled. He could feel Sam's cool hands on his face. Sam was gentle as his fingers stroked Dean’s cheek. He was uncomfortable but the contact was really nice to Dean. It’d been some time since he’d last been touched like this. He needed to back away; stop Sam before this went any further but Dean couldn’t bring himself to.

 

He almost jerked when Sam pressed his lips to Dean’s. It was a gentle caress and barely there, but the point got across to Dean. It was really the best kiss Dean had and he had a thousand reasons as to why this shouldn’t be happening but he continued to allow it before Sam pulled away.

 

“Let’s get you back to the hotel and check out your leg. Hopefully it’ll be alright.” Sam gave Dean a few more minutes before pulling Dean to his feet and steadying him. The leg seemed to be okay to walk on though Sam wouldn’t allow him to walk without using him as a crutch.

 

They drug themselves to the car and Sam had Dean wait while he checked on Baby. Dean wanted to be right up in the car’s grill but with the fall he’d taken, he was a little shaken up. He hadn’t experienced that type of fear in over a decade. Bobby had made sure he had stayed away from hunting and protected Dean the best he could and keep him sheltered. He didn’t want to take another swan dive off a bridge but Dean was finding himself enjoying the hunt.

 

“It’s all good.” Sam stated when he turned to Dean.

 

There was a weary smile on Dean’s face as he approached the Impala. He waved Sam off because he could walk, damnit. He wasn’t an invalid who needed help and the prosthesis seemed to be holding up fine. Dean passed his keys over to Sam and climbed into the passenger seat. He noticed Sam pulled out his cell phone and called 911 for the poor bastard who was dead. It kept playing in Dean’s mind that he could have saved the guy if they had just salted and burned the body.

 

“It’ll be fine, Dean. We’ll burn her bones tomorrow and she’ll be gone. She won’t be able to hurt anyone again.” Sam spoke as he turned the keys in the ignition and they took off from the bridge. They could already see the blue and red lights of the cops and ambulance that were on the way. They didn’t want to be caught around this scene because it would only arouse more suspicion that they didn’t need.

 

It was bad enough they were staying in John’s motel room. The whole town probably knew by now and were gossiping away. Dean didn’t know what they knew about the man but it was more than likely not anything good nor would do them any favors. Once this job was finished tomorrow he could go home and relax with his books and get back to work.

 

Sam would be back at Stanford after this. It wasn’t a thought Dean had liked, but there would be no stopping the other man. John was more than likely fine and out somewhere on another hunt. Dean knew Sam wouldn’t keep in contact with him. With law school around the bend, he wouldn’t have time for someone who researched the supernatural. And with Dean living in South Dakota, the distance would be too far for any real relationship.

 

Dean couldn’t decipher the kiss and with the way Sam was giving him sidelong glances, he was sure that it had been given on purpose. He just couldn’t think of a good reason Sam would kiss him. Dean knew they’d been spending the last two days getting to know one another but did feelings really catch on that quick? He was used to flirting for days and being mysterious but with Sam it was different and Dean wasn’t sure if he liked that.

 

“Hey...about that kiss...” Sam started as they began to hit town. “I want you to know, it was...I liked it. After this job is done, we don’t have to go our separate ways. I’d still like to keep in touch and date you.”

 

“You...what?” Dean asked as he whipped his head to look at Sam. He hadn’t exactly been expecting those words to spill from Sam’s mouth. Dean had already been preparing himself to go on his with his life without Sam in it. He’d survived this long without him, what was the rest of his life in comparison?

 

“I’m serious, Dean. I want to explore this connection we seem to have. I haven’t felt something like this, not even with my ex, Jessica. I want to see where this goes. That is, if you want.” Sam spoke softly, as if he were afraid Dean would jump out of the Impala if he spoke any higher.

 

“I...are you sure that’s what you want, Sam?” Dean swallowed after he asked the question. He had to be absolutely that Sam wanted this before he agreed to anything. “What if you find out something about me that you won’t like?”

 

“Are you a serial killer?” Sam deadpanned.

 

“No, but, damnit, Sam.”

 

“Don’t sweat it, Dean. I want to pursue this and nothing will drive me away. If we part, it will be on our terms. I’d just like to see where this goes.” Sam murmured as he pulled into the parking lot of the motel.

 

“We can try, Sam. I can’t promise that this will go anywhere, but we can try.” Dean replied as he stiffly got out of the car. Sam handed him the keys before pulling him into another kiss. Dean allowed it to linger on his lips before they retreated into the motel room; Sam’s arm wrapped around Dean’s shoulder.

 

Dean allowed the contact and once they were in John’s room he groaned. They both smelled and needed a shower. The river hadn’t smelled all that great and he knew Sam would probably want to get clean because who wanted a room that smelled like ass?

 

“You want the shower first?” Sam questioned as he stripped his jacket and hung it off one of the chairs.

 

“You can go first if you want, princess. I’ll be fine a bit. I gotta rub the old leg and trust me, it won’t smell pretty.” Dean said with a smile. Sam shrugged but grabbed himself some clean clothes anyway and disappeared into the bathroom.

 

It was a few minutes before the shower was running and Dean could hear a loud sigh come from within the bathroom. This was the moment he had needed and he would take it. Dean hobbled over to the bed and reached under the pillow, pulling John Winchester’s journal out from under the pillow. It’d been a wonder Sam hadn’t found it with how hard it was under the pillow. But Dean was grateful because it meant he could read what was in this journal before Sam. There should have been some shame yelling at Dean as he opened the leather book, but that part of his brain was shut off as he leafed through the pages.

 

It began with an entry that spoke of Missouri Moseley and what she had done for John; how she’d had opened his eyes to what was really out there. Dean couldn’t put the journal as he flipped through it. There was entry after entry in the book and all of it tore at his heart. He knew these were things that John had never told Sam and probably never would. It was a shame there were secrets a father was keeping from his son, but John had felt it necessary on some level.

 

Dean stopped at an entry that was dated in January. He paused over the page, reading it and trying to imagine the pride John was more than likely emanating when he had written this entry. It surprised Dean that it was still in the journal and not burned and forgotten on the wind. He read every word with fascination, about the ghost, Dean’s incident and the decision to wipe his son’s memory.

 

A frown passed over Dean’s lips when he had finished reading. John hadn’t lied in the journal about his son’s death, in fact it stated the truth about what he had done with his son. Dean wondered maybe if John had left it there for Sam to find in case anything did happen to him. The idea didn’t sit well with Dean, especially since John was alive and he had left his journal right where Sam would find it.

 

He glanced quickly at the bathroom door, taking note Sam was still in there, it was evident this would be the only opportunity he had. Dean carefully ripped the pages from the journal, making sure that it looked as though they had never been there in the first place. He’d been an expert at that ever since high school and hadn’t lost his touch since. There was no way Sam could ever read those pages. The secrets they contained would only serve to hurt Sam in the end and Dean as well. It was best if he kept those pages on him at all times. The words they contained would only endanger the fragile trust Sam had in him. He couldn’t allow anything to jeopardize that.

  
  
  



	4. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hunt is over and the boys return to Palo Alto. There, they are cornered by something from their past.

The Impala hadn’t suffered any major damage from the night before. Dean had inspected every inch of his baby for any sort of permanence. Sam hadn’t made fun of Dean for it and that was surprising to Dean just a little. They’d been ragging on each other for this whole trip and Dean was becoming used to having Sam around. This job was over though and Sam had to get back to Palo Alto. Dean almost didn’t want to take him because he knew whatever relationship they started probably wouldn’t last all that long.

 

It was a shame and Dean hating thinking it but it was the cold hard truth. And if Sam ever found the missing pages from John’s journal, he was sure they would be done then. Sam would run and Dean would be alone.  It was selfish but what he and Sam were starting was actually the only healthy relationship Dean would ever have in his life.

 

"So you gonna let me drive this thing?" Sam asked as he rounded the Impact. Dean shook his head and blocked the drivers door, his arms crossed.

 

"There's a toll for that and even then it's still a mighty big if." Dean's grin was wolfish as he stared Sam down. He didn't know if he would allow Sam to drive his baby but he had been proven wrong before.

 

There was no response from Sam as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean's. It was a barely there touch before Sam began to move his lips against Dean’s. The kiss progressed into something more, Sam was reaching deep into Dean’s mouth and was licking against the roof of his mouth. Dean’s hands went to Sam’s hips and gripped them gently, his fingers digging into the material of the jeans he was wearing.

 

“I don’t want to go back,” Sam whispered breathlessly when he pulled away. His hand was drifting down the side of Dean’s face. “Come with me, Dean. You can move into my place, it’s big enough to have all your research in it. And when I’m done and we move off campus, we’ll get a big home like Bobby’s and you’ll have a huge library. Think about it, Dean. That’s all I ask. I know we’re not serious just yet and we barely know each other, but there’s this connection.”

 

Dean lifted his hand and pressed his fingers against Sam’s lips. Dean wanted what Sam was offering but he feared it was too soon. Sure the distance was a thing between their state and Dean could stay weekends when Sam wasn't busy. It was a better idea than just up and moving in with Sam because Dean knew Bobby would blow a gasket.

 

“Sam, it’s a little too soon for me. I like the idea but let’s give us more time. We still have one more day before you go back to Stanford. Do you want to head down there or do you wanna see some sights?” Dean shivered when Sam kissed his fingers and he wished he could give into his more carnal needs.

 

“I can accept that. Why don’t we head on back? I can show you around Palo Alto and introduce you to my friends. I want you to be a part of my life as much as possible.” Sam retracted his hand and gave Dean one more deep kiss. It had Dean following his lips after the kiss was over. He wanted more and he had to still his libido.

 

“That sounds great. I could stick around for a few days if you wanted me too. I don’t have anything pressing and Bobby can handle any research that comes up. After you ace that interview, we can celebrate.” Dean grinned widely up at Sam. Sure, he’d be behind on his research and making up his own library but he would put it off just for this man.

 

“Sounds like a good plan. You want to get moving?” Sam asked as he leaned closer into Dean’s face. He stole another kiss that left Dean gasping for breath. If he could kiss Sam all night, it would be heaven.

 

“Yeah. You can drive but you put one scratch on Baby and I’ll skin you,” Dean warned as he handed the keys off to Sam. It took all his willpower to not snatch them back from Sam. He treasured this car and to have someone else drive it was a pain. He would survive Sam driving the Impala since he really had no other choice.

 

“I’ll be gentle with her.” Sam smirked as Dean stepped away from the door. He slid into the driver’s seat and waited for Dean.

 

It was odd for Dean to be in the passenger seat. There wasn’t a time he had driven Baby that he ever thought he’d be sitting here. It was surreal that he would let someone else drive the Impala. He knew Sam could be trusted and wouldn’t wreck the car; at least on purpose.

 

The woman in white had been a hard case and Dean could feel his leg aching from all the exercise. He knew his stump would probably ache for days to come if he didn’t massage it soon. Dean still wasn’t ready for Sam to see his damaged leg and Sam didn’t seem to mind that he hadn’t seen it yet. There was a patience in Sam that made Dean smile. It was refreshing after dealing with Bobby on a daily basis.

 

They filled the cab of the Impala with conversation; learning more about each other and cracking jokes. Dean felt at peace with himself with Sam by his side. It was like some invisible weight had been lifted from his shoulders. If this relationship worked out, Dean would be happy. It was a thrill that shot through him like lightning. Dean would have something all his own and he couldn’t resist the chance he had. There just couldn’t be any fuck ups and Dean would have to guard a part of himself.

 

They pulled up to Sam’s place later that night. There were miles of road behind them and Dean had better memories. They would be something he would cling onto in the dead of night when he was alone and Sam was out here in Palo Alto. He liked the idea of eventually moving in with Sam but Dean needed some time.

 

“So this is it,” Sam said as he stepped out of the Impala. The house was huge and Dean couldn’t help the whistle that left his lips. Sam had done well for himself.

 

“It’s huge.” Dean stated as he shut the front passenger door and opened the back on. He grabbed his duffels from the back seat and walked around the car. His gait was a little off balance from all the sitting and his hip was aching from the trip down from Jericho.

 

“Yeah, the rent’s decent on it and I couldn’t give it up. It’s just me but my friends occasionally crash here and it’s nice to have the room. I never had that growing up living in motel rooms.” Sam’s grin was crooked as if he were caught in a bad memory.

 

“Hey, c’mon. Let’s check out this house.” Dean said as he stepped closer and brushed his lips against Sam’s. It was meant to be a short kiss but Sam’s free hand came to wrap around Dean’s waist and pull him closer. He nuzzled the side of Dean’s temple in a show of affection and Dean felt his face heat up. He wasn’t used to such affection from someone else and didn’t know what to do with himself.

 

Sam led Dean by his hand. It was amazing how much Sam’s hand dwarfed his. Dean was fascinated as he took note of Sam. There was a proud smile on his lips as he rushed Dean to the door. He was eager to get them inside and probably show off the place he had called home.

 

The foyer was huge when they stepped in. Dean’s eyes went wide with just how much space there was. There were several pairs of shoes lined up by the door haphazardly. There were books lined up on a table near the stairs, like they had been left there when Sam was preparing to leave for class.  It wasn’t the typical college man’s place and Dean was impressed. It seemed Sam was very dedicated to his studies. Dean was aware of how intense Sam was.

 

“What do you think?” Sam asked as they dropped their duffels on the floor.

 

“This is only the foyer. I can’t judge until I see your room.” Dean said with a leer. His eyes never strayed from Sam’s lips as they made their way through the house. There were a few pictures here and there. Dean caught one of Sam with his brother. He reached out and grabbed it, his thumb stroking over the younger man’s face.

 

“We were out fishing that day with Dad. It was the first time in a long while he didn’t have a job and he took us to a river. I caught my first fish and he took a photo.” Sam’s smile was said as he lifted the frame from Dean’s hand.

 

“You look happy,” Dean commented. He watched as Sam set the photo down and took his own hand.

 

“I was. Dean was an awesome older brother. I wished I had more time with him.” Sam’s tone was sad, defeated in a way. He knew he would never see Dean in this lifetime and it had damaged him.

 

“Sam, there’s-” Dean started but was cut off by Sam’s lips on his own. He wanted to say more, to get the weight he had on his chest off but Sam was great at distraction and before Dean knew it, he had forgotten what he was going to say.

 

“Come on, Dean.” Sam said breathlessly, a wide smile on his face as he tugged Dean up the stairs. The rest of the house went in a blur and Dean didn’t really care all that much. He was with Sam and that was all that mattered to him at the moment. It didn’t bother him that his clothes were sticking to his skin with sweat or that his stump probably could use some airing.

 

They wandered into Sam’s bedroom and Dean took it in slowly. The bed was huge, it would have to be with how tall Sam was. The sheets were black and looked like they were made of flannel. Dean could already imagine how soft they would be against his flesh.

 

“I’m gonna go freshen up. Feel free to make yourself at home.” Sam pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek before he took off for the adjoining bathroom.

 

Dean moved to the bed and pulled his pant leg up. He detached his leg and crinkled his nose at the smell of sweat. He massaged the muscles and groaned as the tension left. Dean fell back against the bed and looked up to the ceiling. He knew he shouldn’t stay but Sam was so...refreshing that Dean couldn’t turn away just yet.

 

There was a pull at Dean’s stomach and before he could get a word out to Sam, he was pushed against the wall. He kept his cool and glances around the room until he saw a flash of yellow eyes. He knew them. They were what caused John Winchester to get into the life.

 

Anger pulsed through Dean, he wanted to rip himself from the wall and strangle the demon. He couldn’t break free, though. The sheer force of whatever was holding him was too strong and Dean could only watch as he started to move up the wall. He didn’t want to die like this, pinned to the wall like some bug. He cursed in his head and thrashed. Dean wasn’t one who would die quietly.

 

He could hear Sam puttering around the bathroom more than likely unaware of what was happening in his bedroom. Dean’s heart broke when he realized that Sam would discovered him bloodied and dead. Sam would mourn Dean’s death but he would also go down the road of the family business. Dean didn’t want that for Sam but maybe he would learn to ward his next home better.

 

Dean should have been smarter and warded the house. There were too many enemies of the Winchester family and if Sam had been out on the road, it would have spread. Whoever this demon was, he was seeking blood. He was out to hurt Sam to the core and Dean would only watch until he was dead. It wouldn’t be the first time, but this would be more permanent than a name change.

 

Dying was nothing to be afraid of, it was a natural part of life but Dean never imagined his life would end this way. He had dreams of retiring with a lover, living out his days lazily. This was a knife to the gut and the only things he had left behind were a crotchety old man, an almost lover, and his research. Hopefully Bobby would continue his research and use it to help hunters. That was his legacy and it couldn’t be allowed to die off. Dean couldn’t imagine Bobby would even think about destroying the research he had spent years gathering. No, Bobby would put it to good use.

 

Fire started down at Dean’s feet. He tried not to look at it but it was no use. He watched as it danced and jumped, attempting to reach his feet. It was hot and Dean closed his eyes. He wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes open through his death even though he would die before his body was fully consumed.

 

“Dean, I thought we could...Dean!” Sam’s shout had Dean opening his eyes. The other man was standing there, mouth agape before his face twisted into determination and he rushed forward. His movements were desperate as he tried to reach Dean through the fire.

 

There was a rush of wind and Dean was down on the floor. Sam was by his side, a bit of blood leaking from his nose. Dean lifted his hand shakingly and wiped it from his face. He tried to smile but his body felt heavy. There was damage on the wall but the fire was gone. The air was heavy with smoke and the fire alarms were finally going off.

 

Dean knew Sam had done something, he had used some power to free Dean. And it had been a lot of it. The situation should have freaked Dean out, had him questioning just why Sam had powers and how it took him this long to use them. He was gathered into Sam’s arms and they waited until the ambulance and firemen showed up. 

 

It was a bitch to explain just what happened and why they hadn’t turned the alarms off. Dean knew they had been distracted by what had occurred and it didn’t make sense in their minds. There were questions they needed answered but they weren’t in the condition. The stress of having a demon go after Dean was heavy and had their minds working over time. When the police were done and the ambulance had checked Dean over, they were gone. It was apparent they weren’t safe here and Sam packed up the necessities and threw them in a bag he had. 

 

They were outside of the house, Sam holding Dean close. It was unspoken between them but Sam was scared. Dean could tell in the way he was being held that he wouldn’t be let out of Sam’s sight anytime soon.The emergency personnel was still still hanging around questioning those who said they had seen something.  Dean watched silently and gritted his teeth. The police wouldn't catch the thing responsible because it covered its tracks well.

 

Dean was shattered to his core. He knew that fire and the yellow eyes.  He had only been four when he'd seen then. His father had been yelling at him to get Sam to safety while his mother had burned on the ceiling. He had hoped the distance between John and Sam would have given his brother some protection.  Apparently that wasn't the case now. Sam was being drug back into the life because the damn thing had went after Dean.

 

The thought of Sam being so close to Dean scared him to his core. There was no way they could keep this relationship up around Bobby. The man knew Dean's secret and he couldn't very well let Bobby know he was hot for Sam.

 

"You're awfully silent." Sam whispered against Dean's hair. His nose was buried into the brown locks as he ran a hand up and down Dean's arm.

 

"This was my first run in with a demon in two decades." Dean answered. He wanted to move his head from Sam's  shoulder but he was just so damn comfortable. He would have to indulge himself because once Sam found out about Dean's treachery, he would be kicked to the curb like yesterdays garbage.

 

"He won't touch you again." Sam growled, voice feral as his grip tightened on Dean.

 

"Let's get the hell out of here." Dean said softly. He extricated himself from Sam's hold and dove for the passenger seat. He wasn't in the right state to drive and he wouldn't risk wrecking Baby.

  
Dean hoped he would have a chance to explain to Bobby. He looked up to the man who had raised and didn’t want to disappoint him. Hopefully there would be a part of Bobby that would still love Dean and allow him to stay at his home. It would be hard enough losing Sam when he found out but if Bobby were to leave Dean too, he would break. He settled into the seat and gave Sam a small smile before they took, their duffels in the back seat and the road in front of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many of you saw that coming?


	5. Damnit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam are finally in Sioux Falls. Dean has a little talk with Bobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me forever to write this. The boys weren't cooperating but finally I was able to smack them into submission. Enjoy!

The trip back to Sioux Falls had been a tense and silent one. Sam hadn't taken his eyes off Dean the whole way. The night back in Palo Alto was still fresh in both their minds and Dean knew Sam needed to sort out what had exactly happened.  He hadn't uttered a word even though 'I'm your brother' was on the tip of Dean's tongue. He needed to throw them out there for Sam before their relationship took a turn for something more serious and Dean wanted to avoid that conversation with Bobby for the rest of his life.

The Impala didn't have air conditioning. Even in October it was warm as they had left California.  Dean remembered that Bobby had called it an Indian Summer once when he was just a kid. There was no explanation other than that as to why it got so warm in October. The cold nights would be coming soon and Dean knew his leg would start aching again. He hated the winter months in South Dakota but there was nothing that could be done because his home base was with Bobby.

Dean didn't know if there was any use to tell Bobby about the demon or if he did it wouldn't be around Sam. It would be tricky to get Bobby alone so they could discuss exactly what was going on. This was the first time in twenty two years that they even got a sniff of the demon that had killed Dean's mother.

He still wore her wedding band on his finger. It wasn't odd to Dean and no one had questions. There had been something in his body language that had warded the other children off when they asked about it. Dean didn't have to get into fights about the ring and he made sure to never lose it just like the amulet that rested under his shirt.

John would more than likely stay away from them even if the demon had attacked Dean directly.  He hadn't seen his father in a long time and Dean doubted the old man would come around.  When he had dumped Dean on Bobby it was pretty clear the man didn't want him. Dean hated that feeling most of all. The deep, dark drowning feeling of never being good enough.  He wasn't physically able to go out and hunt and while he had certainly had kept up with the woman in white there were other creatures out there much faster and could kill him easier. Sam may have faith in Dean but Dean wasn't a fool either. He knew one day he would end up getting either himself or Sam seriously injured or even killed. It was a thought he hid well because Dean didn't want to have that particular argument when they barely knew each other.

It was with a tense silence that Dean and sam entered Bobby's house. It was clear Bobby wasn't home and Dean felt relief flood his body and allowed himself to relax. He knew he needed to speak with Bobby and give him the heads up about Sam but he didn't know if he could stomach that at the moment. Dean didn't want to see the disappointment in Bobby.

It was bad enough that Dean had been lying to the man who had taken care of him like a son, it was another to tell Bobby that he had the hots for his younger brother. Dean sighed as he dropped his duffle on the floor of the living. There was a little comfort on being back in his home. He could relax a little because Bobby had devil traps and salt protecting the house. After losing his wife, Bobby had taken precautions; especially when Dean had moved in full time.

"We need to talk about what happened." Sam stated quietly. It was the elephant in the room and Dean didn't know if he was quite ready to discuss exactly what had come off. He knew what he had seen and he wasn't sure if he was ready to process it.

"Let's get settled first and maybe a shower?" Dean proposed softly. He needed more time. He wasn't ready for this and it must have shown on his face because Sam relented and said it was okay.

Dean showed Sam around the house, pointing out the small things as they went. Bobby's study was off limits because the man as damned finicky about how he kept it. Dean's smile was a fond one as he spoke about Bobby.

Sam had been hanging onto every word that came out of Dean's mouth. He studied the other man as he spoke animating his sentences with wide sweeps of his arms. There was a small smile that tugged on the left side of his lips like it was a permanent fixture.  Sam could imagine a younger Dean being this excited and the image made his stomach roll just a little.

It didn't take long for them to get cleaned up after Dean's little tour. Both of them felt better after hot showers and wearing clothes that were actually clean.  Dean had pulled on jeans and a flannel shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows as he stumbled into the kitchen. He wanted to make some food because he was hungry and he had a hunch Sam was too.

He pulled ingredients out of the cupboard and started to make chili. There was a pack of hamburger already thawed in the fridge. Bobby probably had plans for it but Dean had gotten home first and it was fair game. Bobby would probably bitch but would back off.

"You can cook too. Looks like I lucked out." Sam stated softly as he pressed himself against Dean's. His arms wrapped around Dean's middle as the man mixed the spices as the hamburger collection the skillet.

"Been cookin' since I was eleven. I needed something to focus on and it shocked Bobby when he realized I had real talent. I have several chili cook off trophies." Dean answered with a smile. He turned his head so his lips brushed against Sam's. It was a soothing contact even though Dean knew the conversation he would be having would be stressful.

"I can't wait." Sam said. His breath brushed over Dean's lips before he removed himself from Dean's body. He leaned back on the counter and watched Dean cook. It was mesmerizing because Sam couldn't tell that Dean was wearing a prosthetic. It seemed he knew how to mask that part and Sam wondered why Dean felt that need.

"So that will have to cook for a bit. You wanna sit in here or move to the couch?" Dean asked as he washed his hands. He wanted to sit in the kitchen, it was a neutral space and he wouldn't be tempted to just curl into Sam and spill everything he knew.

"We can sit here. You seem more comfortable. " Sam replied, staying where he was.

Dean nodded and pulled up a chair. He took a few breaths though they did little to calm his nerves.

"So that thing you did...is that normal for you?" Dean broke the silence between them. His eyes studied Sam as he answered.

"I haven't.  It just...happened. I didn't even know what I was doing, all I knew was that I wanted to save you. I couldn't let you die like my mother." Sam answered with a frown. It was like he was trying to recall every moment of his life in a few short minutes just to give Dean an answer.

"Sometimes shit like that happens. I have known people to move cars to save their child. But what you did was different." Dean frowned and ran a hand through his hair. He wanted to ask Sam what he knew about their mother but he wasn't sure if Sam knew all that much.

"It probably has something to do with the demon that killed my mother. She died after being pinned to a wall and pulled up to the ceiling."

"Do you think we should look into it?"

"No. Dad probably already knows. That's the only thing he cares about."

"You sure about that? What happened wasn't natural but I still want to look into it. There has to be an explanation." Dean leaned back in his chair and glanced up at ceiling. He was already thinking of the texts he would need to consult to see if he could find a lead.

"If you want to look into that's fine. But I'm not thinking too much into it. Now, come on, let's go watch some T.V. before Bobby comes back." Sam pushed his body away from the counter and pulled Dean to his feet. He led the other man to the living room and deposited him on the couch. Sam knelt down and started to push Dean's pants leg up.

Dean took a deep breath because no one had ever been willing to do this before. They always ignored the fact he didn't have a leg and pretended he was whole. But Sam was different, he was slow with what he was doing and made sure Dean was okay with it. A few moments passed as the leg was removed and set carefully to the side. Sam moved to sit on the couch and pulled Dean’s legs over his lap, making sure to keep the jeans pushed so he could reach the stump.

A bottle of lotion had been left on the stand by the couch. Dean had a bad habit of just crashing and needing the lotion for his stump when it ached. The only sound in the room was the pop sound of the lid coming off the tube. Dean watched Sam as he spread the lotion over the rounded limb and started to rub. This was the first time in years Dean had let someone touch his leg. He groaned as Sam worked out the pain and the knots. It was much better having someone else massage the limb and he couldn’t help the small groans that slipped past his lips.

All thoughts of the conversation had fled his mind as Sam worked the knots out of his stump. He decided right then and there Sam was never going anywhere. He was content with how things were and Dean slipped off into an easy sleep; knowing the timer for the chili would wake him.

It was the front door shutting that woke Dean from his impromptu nap. Sam's hands were resting on Dean's knee as he watched whatever T.V. show he had on. Sam turned his head away to give Dean a small smile as Bobby entered the room. He had several bags on his arms and was giving the boys a look that stated 'just what are you doing?'

"Hey, Sammy, can you let me and Bobby talk for a few?" Dean asked. He needed to get this over with so he could relieve some of the weight on his shoulders.

Sam gave him a curious gaze before nodding and moving carefully from the couch. Dean waited until he knew Sam was in their room before sitting up and running a hand down his face. He saw Bobby drop the bags on the floor before taking a seat on the couch beside Dean.

"It's obvious you have something big on your mind, boy. Start from the beginning if you have to." Bobby stated. He patted Dean on the shoulder as a way of giving him strength.

Dean took a deep breath as he settled his thought after a few long moments. This was the hardest confession he would make in his life after he spoke with Sam. He knew where he had to start but he found himself stalling. Dean rubbed his temples as he exhaled. He steadied his nerves and kept his gaze from Bobby. He could do this, it wasn't all that different from when he came out to Booby. Only back then, Dean knew he didn't have much to worry about because Bobby loved him like a son. Dean was counting on that now because he needed it. 

"I know that I am not Dean Campbell. I'm actually a Winchester and that my dad left me here after the poltergeist incident. Dammit, Bobby, the witch never did her damn job." Dean figured that was the best place to begin. He'd been living with the lie for over a decade and it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders when he came clean. He waited for Bobby's reaction with slumped shoulders because he still didn't know what the reaction would be. Bobby was silent for a few moments before he spoke.

"Ya damn idjit, I always knew you remembered." Bobby said with a fond gruff. "Now, do ya feel better, princess, or is there more?"

Dean hadn't expected this reaction. Sure there was a chance that Bobby had realized the truth but Dean never counts on that. He needed evidence before him before he really counted his chickens. And having Bobby confirm that at least was okay with this, had the tension leaving Dean's shoulders. The conversation was only half over and Dean wasn't sure if he could go on but he had to. He couldn't keep something like this from Bobby, especially if this would be their base of operation. Dean didn't like to sneak around and Bobby sure as hell wouldn't put up with it. 

"I was waiting on you to say something. I wanted you to come to me when ya felt ready. I ain't about to push the subject but I'm glad you came to me."

"Well, there's something I need to tell you. Well a few things. I'm seeing Sam. As in dating him." Dean drug his hand down his face. He wasn’t sure how Bobby would react or if the man would even accept him; but the words needed to be said.

**  
"Dammit, Dean."**


End file.
